The Green Greek (my old blog)

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” ~ Colossians 3:12-14

Oh Iris! What a beautiful passage you have chosen today! Among the urgency of making decisions and doing things, and passing judgements, it is good to stop and think that God forgives so much of us that we ought to be able to forgive other people.

On the other hand, it is important to be able to discern between forgiving and being complacent, especially towards ourselves. It is so easy to slip on our usual habits, let alone the multitude of distractions around us and inside our own minds.

Today I received this mailing from Jennifer Louden, a best selling self-help author and coach who has been my mentor for many years.

"But still, this feeling of sadness or heaviness (or whatever you feel) is there. So you decide, instead of drinking that wine or eating that chocolate, to sit on the porch and rock in your Grandma's rocking chair, and as you rock, you lean into this feeling of _______ (darkness, sadness, anger, inadequacy, whatever). You open the door for these feelings like Rumi suggests: "The dark thought, the shame, the malice,/meet them at the door laughing,/and invite them in." You rock and you feel yourself growing lighter as you invite the feelings in, as you ask, "What do you need? What do you want?" The light softens and fades, a few frogs begin to sing, and a tiny songbird settles in your chest, all trembling delight and shy spaciousness.
You realize, not with your mind but with your soft bird heart, that you are okay, you always will be, you always have been, and this knowing is never farther away than your own tender, gentle touch".

Oh this New Age thing! It has us believe that we can do it all by ourselves. That healing is inside us. A lie. So much junk food, sometimes tasty, some times good for you, that never fills that gap that only God can fill. Not any God. Jesus Christ. Only.
After many years of reading and coaching and so on, I stopped and listened. I asked myself: What is it you want? What is it you need to fill that endless pit inside your heart. And I answered: God. Not any God. Only Jesus Christ can fill my heart, my mind, my gut, the whole of me.

Last Sunday we went with a family of friends to a monastery. And I confessed. One of the seven mysteries of the church. Fresh lease. God forgave me. It is difficult to make that step. The humiliation of opening one's nasty locked room and letting the light come in. But I was desperate, my friends. I have had enough. Enough of the talk and the jargon, the wandering and the empty promises of a self indulgent happiness that lifted me one moment then threw me into the abyss.

I just had a shower of the heart and mind. And I want to remain clean. The first lot of clutter is gone. Thank God.

Thank You for the opportunity to renew myself.
Thank You for the friends You have brought to my way.
Thank You for my husband and children and for the chance to create a family of my own. Under You, my God and Savior.