Life around here

Hello, dear friends,

I hope you had a good weekend, as in loving, heart warming, Christ filled. Our life changed so much since we boarded into Jesus' ship, that I am scared it is a dream and I am very scared to open my eyes. Going to church on Sunday, seeing my husband leading our son to Holy Communion, makes me so proud of him, so grateful to God and to all of you who have been praying for us. I am aware that this a fragile time, as our faith has not been based on family values and traditions and we are making our way on our own. I know Jesus is working on my heart and my husband's heart, and I hope and pray that we will manage to build a solid faith on which our children will grow in Christ.

C has been away for a couple of days and will leave again this week. I am so sad when he goes, not because I have to cope with the daily trivia on my own, but because spending our days together is so much part of my life and we really feel we miss his presence when we sit for lunch, or when we say goodnight at night.

Truth is, things have been going rather bad round here and he has been trying to find a financial gateway for the shop, and us. Work has been minimal. We are upscale and decorating is not a priority right now. But the company has helped either, we didn't have any new stuff this year apart from some rugs, and people are not tempted to get in. We still get some orders for mattresses, but we're virtually on an auto pilot on that. We have been selling ourselves, as a friend told me, for quite sometime now, but I don't have the confidence to do so anymore. I find it harder and harder telling people what a good company we work for and how cheerful we are and happy with their products.

After ten years working with this company I feel tired and sometimes truly pissed off. When we began it was a family run business and we were feeling closely knit together. As the company grew, the structure began getting more bureaucratic. Communication and service are a daily chore. I am sometimes tempted to let it all go, close down the shop, take the family to C's village and live off the land and sheep. Sometimes I think we could get another company's franchise, but this is a risk, and I don't want to gamble on our kids' future. I tell myself that we have an income and a social status that allows us to have a house and send our kids to a good school. But the truth is we're sinking into debt trying to maintain a shop that no longer pays for itself.

By the end of the week we'll have a company rep visiting. We'll probably hear how good the company is doing and that things will get better. I don't know if I want to hear this, I don't know if I want to let myself be talked into it again.

I am praying that God will show us what to do. I've done all the thinking I can. I am exhausted.