Thankful Thursday-Looking at Christmas

Dear God,

I know I haven't been the best of your children. I realize that if you were me, you would be infuriated by my stuborness, my perseverence in the opposite way from yours, and the madening divide between what there was in my heart and what I did in practice, the do-regret-do-regret pattern of my life.

Dear Lord, I have been trying to make something of myself all of my life, as way back as I can remember. I have been submissive to all the wrong people, and rebellious to Your own will.

I have taken my own path and followed it through the desert and through the rain, through all the sins a man can name: I have hated myself and a number of my closest people.

Yet, You have not hated me.

And when You, with Your Holy Wisdom, thought that it was time for me to fulfill the desire you've placed in my heart, you've kindled the always almost dying flame with your holy breath. You cut into the rock and made way for me to find You and the life You had prepared for me before I can even remember. Just as you had opened up the sea, you've opened the way for me, so that life began making sense. What's more, you've ofered me three young souls to parent and guide to you. You've placed next to me a husband to take care of my ups and downs while you and I were making the way ahead. Because you know what I have always been, that go-ahead, lead on, ram of a woman. And you steered me, oh God, how you have been stearing me this past year, and for the first time I followed, exhausted by the way of the desert and sick by the waves of the wine-dark ocean.

Through my tears, and through my friends that You have placed on my way, you've melted the ice surrounding my heart, and you allowed that little flame to grow and warm my heart and the hearts of my loved ones. And my heart remembered You, my Lord, through your unconditional love and kindness and forgiveness.

As the day of Your birthday approaches, dear Father, I want to tell you that I believe in You and You alone. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

I am eternally thankful to You.

(Thankful Thursday @ Grace Alone)